Gail’s Blog

I saw the docs in San Francisco, and they were confident in my ability to go back to work, which I will do tomorrow at 10 am. This is a real milestone of reclaiming my life. I will be working 20 hours a week, from 10-3 on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. I know this may be a challenge, but I will do my best to be there and build up my hours as I feel more capable. I imagine my mind will be a little confused at first by this sudden change, but so many people have advised that I take it slow at first, so that is what I am doing. I am excited to see my staff and resume a productive life. I will be in Watsonville again, at least for a while, so we will see how it goes. My supervisor seems extremely relieved that I am coming back. I may have to invest in some new clothes.

The docs took me off Rapamune and Valcyte, once I have used up the tablets I have. and increased Myfortic from 180 twice a day to 360 mg. twice a day. I am still taking Septra (antibiotic, M, W, F) and Prograf (3 mg twice a day) plus my normal blood pressure and anti-cholesterol and antidepressive etc. I am happy to be off Rapamune, which caused a horrible mouth sore for two weeks (it inhibits healing), but I am scared about going off Valcyte, which protects me from Cytomegaloviris.

I must talk to my boss about the importance of my being able to continue working out at the gym three times a week. We are going now at 6:30, but may have to go even earlier to be able to get home, take showers and commute to work by 8. 8:30 would be more realistic, but I will talk it over with my supervisor. We’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck!

Last night we went to an event commemorating 10 years since Matthew Shepard was murdered in Laramie, Wyoming. Dave Grishaw-Jones (our minister) emcee’d, and both of us spoke about the importance of voting NO on Prop. 8. Dinah went first. She talked about all we have gone through to finally get married. First we registered with the Secretary of State as a non-profit association, which resulted in a nice certificate, which we still have on our wall, but no actual legal benefits. Then in 2004, we got married in San Francisco, which was subsequently invalidated by the State. Then when the domestic partnership laws got to the point that they included automatic transfer of property to one’s domestic partner at death, we registered with the State as domestic partners – 2006.  Then we got married on June 17, 2008. We can’t go back now.

My speech was more exhortatory – talking about how Prop. 8 violates our love and our relationships and tries to make us non-existent. In between the speakers, Pisces Moon Productions, which is producing The Laramie Project play in October here, did moments from the play. Very moving – quotes from real people in Laramie. Deborah Johnson from Inner Light Ministries spoke passionately about how heterosexism is basically just sexism, reminding me that we are in fact fighting the patriarchy here. Our existence does not conform to gender roles. Gay men are hated because they are “like women.” She is Black, and talked about this being the most important civil rights struggle of her lifetime – our lifetimes. The entire event was well-woven together, all of one piece, all part of the same puzzle. Very moving – strengthened my resolve to fight against Prop. 8.

It looks like I may be going back to work part-time next Thursday (9/11 as it happens). I need to see my docs in SF on Tuesday, so hopefully they will authorize me to go back. I think I am ready. I have finished physical therapy, and am feeling much stronger. I have been working out three days a week for a month, and plan to keep doing that, although Dinah and I have to work out the details so that we can get up early enough to go work out, shower, and get to work on time.

I will start back at 20 hours a week and hopefully build up from there. I know it will be exhausting at first, but I will just do what I can do and try to take it easy. If all goes well, I’ll work 5 hours (10-3) on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and have Wednesday off for a bit while I work up to full time. I have had many many warnings from many of you to not go too fast or work too hard when I go back. I think that is good advice for both the short and long term, so I will do my best to heed it.

We also started Weight Watchers last week. I have gained about ten pounds since the low I was at right after surgery, when I could barely eat, and am starting to become concerned about Type 2 diabetes, which is a possibility if I become insulin resistant again. (“It’s always something.”) They have warned us about that. So I am doing my best to lose what weight I have gained and more besides. So far it is working.  Please do not encourage me to eat more – this is hard enough as it is. And I hope you will be understanding if I decline offers of food that do not fit within my points, especially at the end of the day.

I am doing really well. I’m almost ready to go back to work. My stamina and overall strength are increasing. I should be back at work in early Sept. Did have to take antibiotics to go see my dentist, and UCSF didn’t want me to go to dentist so soon after surgery, but I had two temp crowns that had been put on in early March, so wanted real teeth. I have not been sick yet (fingers crossed), but am sure I will have to deal with that at some point. My white blood cell count has been quite low, despite UCSF taking my anti-rejection drugs down and down again – it is 1.5, which freaks out the lab every time I have tests. But my coordinator says it is not too bad unless it goes below 1.0. Don’t let anyone sneeze on me, she says. Like I would!

Yes, Purell is good. I wash my hands a lot and got a natural lavender-scented hand sanitizer I like a lot. I am working out now at the gym and finishing up core strengthening in physical therapy, which has been very helpful. It just hit me a few days ago when I was feeling a little glum that I was waiting for the second shoe to drop, and something major to go wrong, but it hasn’t – I really am fine and the transplant worked! That made me much happier. I am so grateful all the time. Life is great.

Prop. 8., on the California November ballot as an initiative started by out-of-state activists, would make it impossible for gay and lesbian couples to marry forever in the State of California by amending the State Constitution.

Here are the messages that have been shown to work for the NO on Prop. 8 campaign:
1. Marriage is a fundamental freedom. Don’t take the freedom to marry away from gay and lesbian couples.
2. Californians don’t want to treat people differently.
3. Basic fairness matters. Prop. 8 is unfair.
4. Government should not be able to take away our freedoms.
5. Domestic partnership is not the same as marriage.
6. It’s about preserving dignity and respect for others, (or denying dignity and respect to others).
7. Regardless of how you feel about gay people getting married, Prop. 8 is not fair.

Please vote NO on Prop. 8, and please donate either to the Santa Cruz effort to defeat it (at www.SantaCruzNoOn8.org you can donate on-line) or to Equality for All, the statewide effort. Please, friends, this is going to be a very close election. Turn you ballot over and vote No on Prop. 8. and remind everyone you know to do the same. This is a statewide election, so every vote counts, and you can balance out the people in Fresno who will be voting to deny our basic freedoms. Vote NO on Prop. 8!

It has been a month since 4th of July, and wedded life is treating us fine. We went to Sorenson’s in Hope Valley for our honeymoon – a week at a high Sierra resort – rustic and relaxing. We actually went on a two-mile hike over easy terrain about halfway through the week, once we got used to the altitude, and took thousands of close-up pictures of wildflowers. We drove into Tahoe, 20 miles away, and into Nevada, where the gas was much cheaper. But mainly we hung out at our cabin, and learned to play Cribbage. And read lots of silly mysteries. It was so nice for Dinah to have some time off, which she greatly deserves, after the events of the last months, at home and at work.

Dinah went back to work, and I am left considering which activities I can now resume in my life. Some people have asked me “why are you going back to work?” to which I can only answer “it is part of my purpose in life” which worries me a little when I think about retirement, but is OK now. I will actually hit potential retirement age in September. I think I will be ready to go back to work in September sometime. I am not ready yet. Most people are encouraging me to listen carefully to that inner voice that says “I am not ready yet” and not rush back too soon, and then crash. I am thinking about going back part-time, and not working every day in the week at first. I dream about my staff even now. Singing is part of my purpose too, and I am thinking I will go back to Big Chorus in September too. (Cabrillo Symphonic Chorus, to be exact) and to church choir of course. My friends from church have been such a help in this post-surgery period.

And we are now getting involved in the NO on Proposition 8 campaign. Prop. 8 would take the freedom for gay and lesbian couples to marry away forever by amending the California Constitution. Please vote No on Prop. 8 in November. More on that later….

Earlier in the year, I would  have guessed we would not have had our annual 4th of July party, but by the time it got there I was ready. We decided it would basically be our wedding reception as well, so we invited people to see up exchange our personal vows, which we had not done at the legal ceremony on June 17th. Tons of people came – maybe a hundred, but who’s counting. We invite everyone we can get in touch with to this party anyway, but with the wedding theme, they actually came! We had our traditional barbeque, throwing everything people brought on the grill and sharing scrumptious salads and side dishes. Then we had our home-grown talent show, with everything from silly songs to “Who’s on first?” Then we went upstairs to change into wedding clothes while the gleeful children broke the rainbow pinata. We paraded down the back stairs  to a humming chorus of “Here Come the Brides” and our senior minister joined us on stage (the deck by the shed) in his shorts and T-shirt to facilitate the vows. The vows were really sweet. We had both written them separately, but it was amazing how similar they were! We both talked about how much the phrase “in sickness and in health” meant to us now, and how amazing it is that the other person tolerates our faults. Then the minister (he’s our friend too) blessed us and asked the crowd to witness and bless us, which they did. It was very, very sweet.

Then we all had cake. What is it about wedding cake? Well, I woke up one morning and just said “it has to have three tiers” so we went to The Buttery and ordered the cake of my dreams, and hopefully Dinah’s dreams too. It had three tiers and was topped with purple roses. The cake was covered with fondant, which if you watch the cake competitions on the Food Network, you know is a kind of sugar paste, like marzipan without the almonds. It makes the surface very smooth and can be used to decorate with three dimensional flowers, for example, or leaves, or dolphins, or whatever. The top and bottom layers were chocolate with ganache and hazelnut filling. The middle layer was lemon poppyseed with lemon custard filling. The outisde of the cake was all in purple and cream. The top layer had symetrical diamonds of purple fondant dripping down the sides, the second layer was decorated with leaves and flowers, and the thrird layer repeated the design fromt he top. It looked like a cross between a circus tent and Queen Victoria’s china. In a VERY tasteful way. It was gorgeous and tasted divine too! A picture of the actual cake is on Dinah’s Flickr site. Thanks to all of you who came – you certainly made our day special.

As most of you know, Dinah and I got married on June 17th, 2008. at the Santa Cruz County Building. We were the first lesbian couple in our county to do so. First we filled out the marriage license application downstairs, with TV cameras all around. Then we went upstairs, and ran into our closest neighbor on the elevator. She said she could not miss this. When we came out of the elevator, there were about a hundred people milling about in the hall outside a room that had been specially decorated for the weddings that day. They all started to clap and cheer! Some of them were friends who had seen an article on us in the previous day’s paper, and showed up on impulse. We saw friends we have barely seen since I got so sick.

It was a little overwhelming, especially since we had only brought a few friends with us to witness for us. But we had agreed to be first because we both have experience talking to the press. We made our way into the decorated conference room, which was full of flowers, with a little arbor, and cupcakes and apple cider for the toast. We kept seeing more friends. Our witnesses were ready. It was 8 am on a Tuesday, so the County board members came over at intervals to wish us well and see what all the noise was about. The County Clerk did a great job tailoring the actual ceremony to us, saying that we had raised lovely dogs, and mentioning our almost 26-year engagement. She has been a long-time supporter, mentioning the freedom to marry for gay and lesbian couples in all her budget presentations.

One dear friend arranged for flowers for us, so I had a deep pink rose lei over my cream camisole and long skirt. It smelled wonderful! Dinah had a rose corsage on the jacket of her cream-colored suit. We were stylin’! You can see the whole thing if you like. It was captured on live webcam and is posted on the Santa Cruz County Clerk’s website. After we said our vows, we fed each other cupcakes (vanilla for me, chocolate for Dinah) and intertwined our arms for a toast with the apple cider (Martinelli’s of course). Then we spent about an hour talking to reporters and getting our picture taken. I was exhausted, and spent most of the morning sitting in the wedding room, watching as three other couples from our church got married after us, including our two lesbian ministers from church, who married each other (one of whom is pregnant). Dinah officiated at a couple of the weddings, which was fun too. Then a bunch of us all went out to breakfast. We had such a good time that day! More wedding news later….

Gentle reader, I must have tried your patience over the past month, by not reporting anything about my life. I’m back and will try to catch you up. Hopefully you have been reading dinah’s blog so you know what has been going on. I am fine. My health is increasing all the time. I am now doing physical therapy to increase my stamina and strength, and have started going to the gym with Dinah to build my stamina as well. I still nap quite a bit and can’t keep going all day yet, but my blood work is good, and everything is pretty stable right now. My cooking gene is finally kicking in, so dinah is very happy. I made jerk barbequed pork ribs, red beans and rice, Jamaican cole slaw, and brownies last night when we had Dinah’s brother and his girlfriend over for dinner. Yum!

Tuesday, June 10th was a WOW kind of day. We went to San Francisco for pancreas transplant clinic, and it was great. All my blood test numbers were “perfect” according to the transplant coordinator and doctors.And now I am finally at the 3-month point, which is a big milestone. So they lifted some significant restriction on me. i will only be going every two weeks for blood tests, rather than once a week. i can start real exercising to recover my strength, breath and stamina. And they OK’d me for travel, at least within a range where I can get back within 24 hours if need be. UCSF does not want to see me again for three months! After the appointment, it felt like I had been handed the rest of my life on a platter.

We stood for a momen at  huge window looking out over San Francisco, and wept for joy. then we went for a drive through Golden Gate Park, just to let the whole thing in. Then we went to Greens for a nice leisurely lunch looking out over the water.

I have survived the most critical period, post-transplant. Over the next three months, I will get stronger still, and undergo the most intensive immune-suppressant period. They have added a third immune-suppressant to my regimen, Rapamune. That will probably be phased out in three months. The doctor clarified that I am not as immune-compromised as someone with HIV is, but still have some immune system functioning for me. The Rapamune (which I am having the darndest time remembering to take at NOON) has various side-effects, including slowing cellular healing. It should get me over the hump of the risk of early rejection. I will still have to do blood tests for the rest of my life, but even those will decrease in frequency over time. The doctors want to give me more time to heal, and build up my strength and stamina, and to phase out the Rapamune and continue doing well, so they have extended my leave from work for another three months. I can’t believe I will be out that long. I am doing so well. I think I will be ready to go back sooner. But lots of people are cautioning me not to go back too soon after this big a surgery, and I am listening.

So I made it! What a relief. We may even go on a short honeymoon to Sorenson’s near Tahoe! I am so happy.